Top 10 hardest things I have ever had to do.
Disney Princess Half Marathon. I know it sounds all cute, and there may or may not have been Disney princesses and characters every mile or so cheering you on and ready to take a picture with you...and grown MEN wearing tutus and wings dressed up as fairies because their wives made them...but I'm telling you, at the end of the day 13.1 miles is still a long way. I know its's just a half, but still. We started at EPCOT, ran down some long stretch of interstate, entered Magic Kingdom, ran around and through the castle, back down the long stretch of interstate back to EPCOT, around the ball and through the finish line. I've done it before. I ran the Music City Marathon in Nashville 2 years ago and swore I'd never do another one ever again. And there I was...at 4am (3am central time), in a corral A with thousands of women I didn't know--wishing I had stayed back in C and ran with Christina Rutledge.
Like I said, I've done it before so what's the big deal? I am not a runner. Running has always been a punishment for me. However, I started training and eventually taught myself how to love running again. I developed this lower back pain which I thought came from tight hamstrings so I stretched extra good and kept running. Well, Step Sing started and the pain didn't go away so I quit running. Three weeks later and I still haven't run 50 yards and I'm getting on a plane to Orlando to run 13.1 miles. Idiot. I called my angel of a mother and cried and cried and complained how bad it hurt and how I was so tired of getting hurt and why me and all that good stuff dramatic girls say when they think they're the only ones experiencing the apocalypse. "Don't run," she said. "Just walk, or don't even race at all." Obviously I was adopted. Yea right I wasn't gonna just not show up. Walk...maybe...not even race...never crossed my mind. Not an option, crazy woman. And as I reread what all I just typed I know I sounds super dramatic and silly talking about running, but this is the closest thing to competing or playing in a game I have come to in a LOOOONG time.
I couldn't walk. I hobbled. I couldn't straighten my leg. I limped around my classroom and was constantly up and down off the floor that it took 4 minutes to get me up and down. I slowly limped my way down the airport terminal to the last gate and sat by myself thinking how stupid I was for thinking that I could actually do this. It wasn't until then that I realized that there was no way on God's green earth that I was going to be able to run. So I prayed. I didn't pray to be healed, or for God to make it stop hurting, or for Christina to feel bad for me and walk with me (well maybe once I did). I prayed that God would save me. I prayed that He would send down 2 angels to pick me up and carry me 13.1 miles. From EPCOT to Magic Kingdom and back. You know what he said...start stretching. So I did. I stretched and heated and prayed consistently for 2 days before I ran. I wasn't ever nervous before the race except the morning of. I didn't wanna not finish or have to be helicoptered out of the park or anything like that. I started out listening to Chris Brown on Pandora and then hit a wall at about mile 8. So I switched to Needtobreathe and God got 2 more fresh angels down there and we ran. I ran the whole freaking race. Of course I wanted to die and felt like I got run over by a 18 wheeler but I finished and that was all that mattered to me.
I know I'm talking about running and could totally add in some verses about perseverance and stuff like that but I'll let you look those up. I didn't write this for that. God is so faithful. God is so strong. God is so big. I am so blessed.
I still can't walk. I still can't straighten my leg. I still limp and hobble and have a little swag to my step but I did what I wanted to accomplish. I told God I couldn't do it without him and he said duh. He showed me his grace and his mercy and his sovereignty that weekend.
Rejoice always. I will.
Love you. Mean it.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
imagination
I had a child bring me a rock last week. Before I could even ask him where he got it he said, "it's a lava rock Miss Tarpley! I got it from a lake...here in Alabama." Ten minutes later he told me he drank coffee every morning. So remember when I said I got the privilege of sitting with two different students every day? Well apparently I was sitting next to a model. He told me he got a job modeling for Vanderbilt Hospital. And the thing is that I believe every word. Obviously I know that the rock wasn't made from lava...and even if it was I know it wasn't found near a lake in Alabama. But the more I believe his storytelling the more and more creative he'll get. The same day I sat next to the model at lunch, my cute little black boy told me he wanted to be a lawyer when he grew up. My heart fluttered and was so happy. To hear that they have goals and ambitions at age 8 is humbling. When I asked him why he wanted to be a lawyer he said, "because lawyers get their way Miss Tarpley." Well babydoll if that's what you think who am I to tell you differently. Then he said, "or actually I want to work at GameStop because you can play all the video games you want." Then my heart sank. Crap.
You never know what's going to come next. The presh-pot that sits nearest my desk read to me from Jeremiah during read aloud time. She also spit out all the Fruits of the Spirit to me. Kids are amazing really. I've questioned if teaching is really what I want to do...I'm still not 123% sure. But what I am sure of is that no matter where I end up I know I'm supposed to love kids. I don't know where or how old but I know that no matter where I go I will be there with an open mind, open heart, and open arms.
But like I said...we're not getting into all that graduating stuff yet.
"Rejoice always."
love you, mean it.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
conversations with 8 year olds
It's been a while, but I have been quite busy. So I could literally post something every single day of the week now that I've started student teaching. I'm in a class of nineteen 2nd graders from 7:30-3:00 every day. It's amazing what all they know, don't know, and think they know.
So every day I get the privilege of sitting with two different kids at lunch. The first week I was there I was mistaken as a child's mother and then as Brittany Ripberger's sister...both of which I gladly took as a compliment. I have had conversations about what the best thing to get at the Golden Corral is (which is the chocolate fountain in case you were wondering), 3D kitten books at the book fair, and conversations about Jesus. Yes, as in Jesus Christ. They have told me all about Bible Club that starts on Tuesday and I have been read to from the mother/daughter Bible.
Do you know how difficult it is to teach a Kenyan girl American money? Oh and she moved to the United States of America in January.
These kids are champs. They are so funny and so passionate about every little thing. I have never received so many homemade cards for my birthday as I did last week. There is never a dull moment. Some days I go home and cry because I am so exhausted and worn out and they won't listen to me, but then there are some days that I don't want to go home and absolutely cannot wait to come back the next day. It's a roller coaster for sure, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.
love you, mean it.
So every day I get the privilege of sitting with two different kids at lunch. The first week I was there I was mistaken as a child's mother and then as Brittany Ripberger's sister...both of which I gladly took as a compliment. I have had conversations about what the best thing to get at the Golden Corral is (which is the chocolate fountain in case you were wondering), 3D kitten books at the book fair, and conversations about Jesus. Yes, as in Jesus Christ. They have told me all about Bible Club that starts on Tuesday and I have been read to from the mother/daughter Bible.
Do you know how difficult it is to teach a Kenyan girl American money? Oh and she moved to the United States of America in January.
These kids are champs. They are so funny and so passionate about every little thing. I have never received so many homemade cards for my birthday as I did last week. There is never a dull moment. Some days I go home and cry because I am so exhausted and worn out and they won't listen to me, but then there are some days that I don't want to go home and absolutely cannot wait to come back the next day. It's a roller coaster for sure, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.
love you, mean it.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
obey
Obedience is a concept I learned at a very young age. For a while that only consisted of obeying my parents and authority, and staying out of trouble. As I've grown up I've noticed that obedience and loyalty have gone hand-in-hand on multiple occasions. Because I have committed myself to this or that organization I have an obligation to fulfill that commitment to the best of my ability and do whatever I can in my power to do what's best for the people that I have pledged loyalty to. I've started reading "Kisses from Katie" by Katie Davis and I can 100% say this is a remarkable story of obedience...and I've gotten through the Introduction. She talks a lot about how this life is not hers. She says "Jesus called His followers to be a lot of things, but I have yet to find where He warned us to be safe. We are not called to be safe, we are simply promised that when we are in danger, God is right there with us." I mean you can't argue with that. There's no way to put it more simply. This life isn't mine to do whatever I want with it. I have committed my life to Jesus and will do whatever I can in my power to further His Kingdom. Wherever He calls me to go I will run with obedience (easier said than done though right?).
Whenever I feel doubtful or discouraged I am reminded of Moses in Exodus 4:10-12.
Moses said to the Lord, "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." The Lord said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go, I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."
Sometimes...most times...I don't feel adequate or well-equipped enough to do what I feel Him calling me to do. Well duh Sara, you're not. I don't have the perfect words to say, but I know God will provide those. Sometimes I feel like the circumstances have to be extreme for me to understand whether or not I am "obeying" his calling. But they don't. It could be so simple as maintaining relationships or starting new ones; pursuing passions and celebrating the little victories.
I don't intend for this to sound like a sermon. Who am I to preach to you? This is a sermon and reminder to myself that when I don't obey that I'll get that empty feeling in the pit of my stomach that can only be filled with obedience to what I have committed my life to. I don't have to have $3 billion to change the world. Katie touched on this in her Introduction, too. She said that if she could change the world for one little girl or one starving child, and if one person saw the love of Christ through her than it was worth every minute. I'm starting a strange transition phase in my life so for me all I feel like I can do right now is pray and wait. But not wait passively...wait actively searching out God's will for my life...continuing to love difficult people. Loving them without hypocrisy.
"Rejoice always."
love you. mean it.
Whenever I feel doubtful or discouraged I am reminded of Moses in Exodus 4:10-12.
Moses said to the Lord, "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." The Lord said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go, I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."
Sometimes...most times...I don't feel adequate or well-equipped enough to do what I feel Him calling me to do. Well duh Sara, you're not. I don't have the perfect words to say, but I know God will provide those. Sometimes I feel like the circumstances have to be extreme for me to understand whether or not I am "obeying" his calling. But they don't. It could be so simple as maintaining relationships or starting new ones; pursuing passions and celebrating the little victories.
I don't intend for this to sound like a sermon. Who am I to preach to you? This is a sermon and reminder to myself that when I don't obey that I'll get that empty feeling in the pit of my stomach that can only be filled with obedience to what I have committed my life to. I don't have to have $3 billion to change the world. Katie touched on this in her Introduction, too. She said that if she could change the world for one little girl or one starving child, and if one person saw the love of Christ through her than it was worth every minute. I'm starting a strange transition phase in my life so for me all I feel like I can do right now is pray and wait. But not wait passively...wait actively searching out God's will for my life...continuing to love difficult people. Loving them without hypocrisy.
"Rejoice always."
love you. mean it.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
when i grow up
"in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."--Proverbs 3:6
Unsure about what you want to do with your life or tired of doing the same old thing? Let me humor you.
Here's a list...from what i can remember...about what I wanted to be when I grew up. They're pretty much in order I think.
1. Teacher: Shocker...what little girl didn't want to be a teacher?
2. A veterinarian: I quickly decided against this because I couldn't handle the smell and Dad kept reminding me that I didn't even like to play with Scat.
3. An orthodontist: I stayed with this career path longer than most. I told God I didn't want to do this when I was in Wednesday night church in GA's. We watch a video of Dr. Taylor doing work on people in Mexico. I had to leave the room and went home crying because the sight of some of their teeth and mouths. Mama kept telling me that I didn't have to do that, but I already had the conversation with God and He told me I didn't have to do it either.
4. Domestic engineer: This is a fancy term for "stay at home mom". My mom seemed to have it pretty good...why couldn't I do that? Funny, mom. (I still think I'd make a great celebrity-wife)
5. Professional athlete: It's okay you can laugh.
6. Sports psychiatrist: Mama really encouraged me to do this. Dad told me I wasn't sympathetic and didn't deal well listening to other people's problems. Dad wins.
7. Professional DECA-teer: Lauren Hayes and I placed 3rd in the nation. Unfortunately this is not a real job. Maybe I should have wanted to run the Commando Corner until my dying days...
8. Pharmaceutical sales: I still think I would be really good at this. Do I wish I was?...somedays. It took me 3 minutes just now to figure out how to spell it though.
9. Nursing: Not my calling. You can laugh if you want. I think I could have done it.
10. Event coordinator: I wanted to plan events to raise money to build international orphanages. I am still 100% alright with dropping everything I am doing and doing this instead. I need a partner though. Hit me up if you're interested.
11. Missionary: Done. The classroom is my mission field. Would I want to travel and do this in a different environment?...absolutely. Partner preferred but not required.
12. Teacher: And here we are; back in square 1.
I know some of these seem ridiculous--especially coming from someone like me--but in all of this lies a really important lesson (well multiple lessons but whatever): God knows what He wants me to do better than I do. If something didn't work out for me I got upset. But if it didn't work out it was usually because I found something else I wanted to do. In the end, to an extent it doesn't really matter what I do, as long as I do it with the intention to further His Kingdom. So "take heart! For [God] has overcome the world" (John 16:33)...so you don't have to (luckily...because I don't trust you).
"Whatever you do, work at it with all of your heart, as working for the LORD, not for men."
--Colossians 3:23
love you. mean it.
Unsure about what you want to do with your life or tired of doing the same old thing? Let me humor you.
Here's a list...from what i can remember...about what I wanted to be when I grew up. They're pretty much in order I think.
1. Teacher: Shocker...what little girl didn't want to be a teacher?
2. A veterinarian: I quickly decided against this because I couldn't handle the smell and Dad kept reminding me that I didn't even like to play with Scat.
3. An orthodontist: I stayed with this career path longer than most. I told God I didn't want to do this when I was in Wednesday night church in GA's. We watch a video of Dr. Taylor doing work on people in Mexico. I had to leave the room and went home crying because the sight of some of their teeth and mouths. Mama kept telling me that I didn't have to do that, but I already had the conversation with God and He told me I didn't have to do it either.
4. Domestic engineer: This is a fancy term for "stay at home mom". My mom seemed to have it pretty good...why couldn't I do that? Funny, mom. (I still think I'd make a great celebrity-wife)
5. Professional athlete: It's okay you can laugh.
6. Sports psychiatrist: Mama really encouraged me to do this. Dad told me I wasn't sympathetic and didn't deal well listening to other people's problems. Dad wins.
7. Professional DECA-teer: Lauren Hayes and I placed 3rd in the nation. Unfortunately this is not a real job. Maybe I should have wanted to run the Commando Corner until my dying days...
8. Pharmaceutical sales: I still think I would be really good at this. Do I wish I was?...somedays. It took me 3 minutes just now to figure out how to spell it though.
9. Nursing: Not my calling. You can laugh if you want. I think I could have done it.
10. Event coordinator: I wanted to plan events to raise money to build international orphanages. I am still 100% alright with dropping everything I am doing and doing this instead. I need a partner though. Hit me up if you're interested.
11. Missionary: Done. The classroom is my mission field. Would I want to travel and do this in a different environment?...absolutely. Partner preferred but not required.
12. Teacher: And here we are; back in square 1.
I know some of these seem ridiculous--especially coming from someone like me--but in all of this lies a really important lesson (well multiple lessons but whatever): God knows what He wants me to do better than I do. If something didn't work out for me I got upset. But if it didn't work out it was usually because I found something else I wanted to do. In the end, to an extent it doesn't really matter what I do, as long as I do it with the intention to further His Kingdom. So "take heart! For [God] has overcome the world" (John 16:33)...so you don't have to (luckily...because I don't trust you).
"Whatever you do, work at it with all of your heart, as working for the LORD, not for men."
--Colossians 3:23
love you. mean it.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
decisions are your friend
I hate making decisions. I don't like picking where we go to eat or what movie we watch. I am indecisive. The only way you'll get me to decide is to give me options to go by. Give me 5, I'll pick 3, and you pick the last one...or give me 3 and I'll choose 1. Mama thinks I'm crazy. "Decisions are your friend, Sara" is what she told me when I left for this last semester of college. The way she sees it is that the world is at my fingertips and I can do whatever I want with it. I'd rather someone tell me "hey, this is where you're going. Good luck." I think the reason I have such a hard time making decisions is because I don't want to make a wrong decision. Naturally there are consequences for every choice...some are good consequences and some are bad. I don't want to make a bad decision and end up 800 miles from home, north of the Mason-Dixon line or west of the Mississippi, living in a 1-bedroom apartment by myself eating cheese sandwiches. Making decisions that could put me in those situations is becoming more and more relevant in this chapter of my life. I have to make decisions about where I'm going to apply for jobs, where I want to live, and if I know anybody in any of these places. Another reason I think I'm scared to make decisions is the fear of rejection. I don't want to fail...and I don't want to disappoint anybody. I have failed and been rejected plenty of times in the past 8 years and where I could say its shaped me into who I am today, I can also say that it sucks to have to go through it time after time.
However, I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. I will stand by that until the day that I die. I also know God won't give you anything that you can't handle. I didn't go to Clemson for a reason only God knows why. I'm not going to Memphis because God is calling me elsewhere. Where I know all of this and believe all of this, it is sooo hard for me to come to terms with and apply to my "daily decision-making"...if that makes sense. I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to love on poor, high-poverty, at-risk kids...I just now know (through much disappointment) it's not in Memphis. I just have to decide now where that is. I still hate making decision, but as Dad would say "It's just a part of growing up." Thanks Dad...so much wisdom and compassion. He'd then go on to sing a line of a song...probably Corey Smith.."It's a season of change, and the time we've waited for is here." I hate when he does that, and I hate even more to admit that he's right. I don't cope well with change, but knowing that I am placed here for a specific purposed gives me assurance that I'll end up where I'm supposed to be. It'll all work out like it's supposed to.
"for I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you, not to harm you; plans to give you a hope and a future." --Jeremiah 29:11
However, I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. I will stand by that until the day that I die. I also know God won't give you anything that you can't handle. I didn't go to Clemson for a reason only God knows why. I'm not going to Memphis because God is calling me elsewhere. Where I know all of this and believe all of this, it is sooo hard for me to come to terms with and apply to my "daily decision-making"...if that makes sense. I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to love on poor, high-poverty, at-risk kids...I just now know (through much disappointment) it's not in Memphis. I just have to decide now where that is. I still hate making decision, but as Dad would say "It's just a part of growing up." Thanks Dad...so much wisdom and compassion. He'd then go on to sing a line of a song...probably Corey Smith.."It's a season of change, and the time we've waited for is here." I hate when he does that, and I hate even more to admit that he's right. I don't cope well with change, but knowing that I am placed here for a specific purposed gives me assurance that I'll end up where I'm supposed to be. It'll all work out like it's supposed to.
"for I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you, not to harm you; plans to give you a hope and a future." --Jeremiah 29:11
Monday, January 2, 2012
guilty
#1- I had 2 people (Will and Preston) contact me and tell me it annoyed them that I didn't use correct capitalization...so I'll fix that from now on...my bad guys.
#2- I know this is 2 days in a row but don't get used to it because it probably won't happen like that.
I have a confession to make. So yesterday, after I posted my first blog, I went to Walmart. I was focused and on a mission and didn't really wanna see anyone I knew (which is near impossible in hvegas). I saw somebody off to the side and darted the direction I needed to go to try and avoid them. As soon as I did that I realized that was not what I had written about 20 minutes earlier. So then I felt really bad for about 20 seconds because I went down an aisle and naturally saw someone I knew. So I talked to them for a little while and went to check out and of course I see the people I was originally trying to avoid. I saw they were clearly upset. It turns out they were talking to a woman whose husband passed away a few months ago. I didn't have to do anything but smile and listen to what they had to say.
So it was obvious that I needed to see those people and God knew that better than I did. I tried to make it a quick trip but He wanted to use me for something else. It's about making yourself available to others. I didn't have to tell them anything interesting, they just wanted to talk. All I had to do was listen...and it wasn't physically challenging for me to smile either.
Try and smile at someone new every day.
So that was part one of my trip. On the way back I couldn't help but think about the woman who lost her husband.
Why do bad things happen to good people? The answer is simple. We live in a fallen world--a world full of sin. The answer may be simple, but that doesnt mean the dealing with the situation is that simple. It's not...but I don't think it's supposed to be. God has a plan. A perfect plan that is greater than I could ever begin to dream to create for myself. People disappoint and people fail, but God never fails. We have to have faith that He knows what He's doing. The Creator of the universe...I'd say He has it all figured out, we just have to trust that. He never promised anything would be easy, and why would it be? What have any of us done to think we deserve the easy road? I surely don't deserve it so I know better than to expect it. I don't think you should always expect the worse, but know that whatever happens happens for a very specific purpose. There is a bigger picture that I cannot see or comprehend. That's okay, I'm not supposed to. Wheres the fun in that right?
"Rejoice always."
love ya. mean it.
#2- I know this is 2 days in a row but don't get used to it because it probably won't happen like that.
I have a confession to make. So yesterday, after I posted my first blog, I went to Walmart. I was focused and on a mission and didn't really wanna see anyone I knew (which is near impossible in hvegas). I saw somebody off to the side and darted the direction I needed to go to try and avoid them. As soon as I did that I realized that was not what I had written about 20 minutes earlier. So then I felt really bad for about 20 seconds because I went down an aisle and naturally saw someone I knew. So I talked to them for a little while and went to check out and of course I see the people I was originally trying to avoid. I saw they were clearly upset. It turns out they were talking to a woman whose husband passed away a few months ago. I didn't have to do anything but smile and listen to what they had to say.
So it was obvious that I needed to see those people and God knew that better than I did. I tried to make it a quick trip but He wanted to use me for something else. It's about making yourself available to others. I didn't have to tell them anything interesting, they just wanted to talk. All I had to do was listen...and it wasn't physically challenging for me to smile either.
Try and smile at someone new every day.
So that was part one of my trip. On the way back I couldn't help but think about the woman who lost her husband.
Why do bad things happen to good people? The answer is simple. We live in a fallen world--a world full of sin. The answer may be simple, but that doesnt mean the dealing with the situation is that simple. It's not...but I don't think it's supposed to be. God has a plan. A perfect plan that is greater than I could ever begin to dream to create for myself. People disappoint and people fail, but God never fails. We have to have faith that He knows what He's doing. The Creator of the universe...I'd say He has it all figured out, we just have to trust that. He never promised anything would be easy, and why would it be? What have any of us done to think we deserve the easy road? I surely don't deserve it so I know better than to expect it. I don't think you should always expect the worse, but know that whatever happens happens for a very specific purpose. There is a bigger picture that I cannot see or comprehend. That's okay, I'm not supposed to. Wheres the fun in that right?
"Rejoice always."
love ya. mean it.
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