decisions are your friend

I hate making decisions.  I don't like picking where we go to eat or what movie we watch.  I am indecisive.  The only way you'll get me to decide is to give me options to go by.  Give me 5, I'll pick 3, and you pick the last one...or give me 3 and I'll choose 1.  Mama thinks I'm crazy.  "Decisions are your friend, Sara" is what she told me when I left for this last semester of college.  The way she sees it is that the world is at my fingertips and I can do whatever I want with it.  I'd rather someone tell me "hey, this is where you're going.  Good luck."  I think the reason I have such a hard time making decisions is because I don't want to make a wrong decision.  Naturally there are consequences for every choice...some are good consequences and some are bad.  I don't want to make a bad decision and end up 800 miles from home, north of the Mason-Dixon line or west of the Mississippi, living in a 1-bedroom apartment by myself eating cheese sandwiches.  Making decisions that could put me in those situations is becoming more and more relevant in this chapter of my life.  I have to make decisions about where I'm going to apply for jobs, where I want to live, and if I know anybody in any of these places.  Another reason I think I'm scared to make decisions is the fear of rejection.  I don't want to fail...and I don't want to disappoint anybody.  I have failed and been rejected plenty of times in the past 8 years and where I could say its shaped me into who I am today, I can also say that it sucks to have to go through it time after time.

However, I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason.  I will stand by that until the day that I die.  I also know God won't give you anything that you can't handle.  I didn't go to Clemson for a reason only God knows why.  I'm not going to Memphis because God is calling me elsewhere.  Where I know all of this and believe all of this, it is sooo hard for me to come to terms with and apply to my "daily decision-making"...if that makes sense.  I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to love on poor, high-poverty, at-risk kids...I just now know (through much disappointment) it's not in Memphis.  I just have to decide now where that is.  I still hate making decision, but as Dad would say "It's just a part of growing up."  Thanks Dad...so much wisdom and compassion.  He'd then go on to sing a line of a song...probably Corey Smith.."It's a season of change, and the time we've waited for is here."  I hate when he does that, and I hate even more to admit that he's right.  I don't cope well with change, but knowing that I am placed here for a specific purposed gives me assurance that I'll end up where I'm supposed to be.  It'll all work out like it's supposed to.


"for I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you, not to harm you; plans to give you a hope and a future." --Jeremiah 29:11